more advice from the mother

Say as I do and not as I say

Dear Laura,

i have an out-of-control blushing problem. what can i do about it?
-anonymous

Dear Reader,
Out-of-control blushing problems are highly embarrassing. Not only are you already embarrassed which is demonstrated outwardly by the blushing, but the fact that you are blushing embarrasses you even more. Especially when people comment on it. I often get comments like "You're so tan!" and "Why are you so red?" or "You're blushing!!!!" If no one comments on it, you can pretend you're not blushing. But if someone calls you out on it, it's all down hill from there. The crimson-red gets deeper, you start sweating, tunnel vision. It's best to probably just go ahead and pass out in this situation. There is no fixing it once it starts to happen, and you can blame the passing out on food poisoning or something. Once you wake up just say, "Wow it must have been something I ate."

But if passing out is not an option, try to get out of the room as quickly as possible. Even if your exit causes a disturbance. The best way to exit the room is to get out before you even start blushing. If someone says something, you feel you are going to start, just get up and exit with no explanation. If you have already started the blush, just b-line for the door - and don't let them see your face.

There is no controlling blushing, I'm afraid. If there was, I would know and no longer blush. I hope these tips help.

Any other questions?

My girl...

Here is the newest addition to my family. But I'm not sure what to name her. Here are some choices:
Ella
Isabel (Izzy)
Sophie
Letti
Juno

What do you think?

?

What is this? It's in front of the elementary school, which I drive by every day. I don't get it. Any ideas?

weeeeeeee

I have three loaves of bread in my refrigerator. I guess every time I'm in the grocery store I think I need bread. I don't.

I also have a box of apples. i mean a huge box. A couple weeks ago these two 5th graders came to my door selling apples to help children in Afghanistan, or was it Africa (I'm not sure which one), and i couldn't say no. I picked them up at the elementary school the other day and have been eating massive amounts of apples ever since. I think I might have a bob for apples party.

I went cross country skiing today with my friend Allison in Victor. This time on the skis proved to be much better than my first time on Saturday. I didn't go screaming uncontrollably downhill into the woods. And I didn't fall. But I did say "weeeeee" as I went down hill. I think that needs to stop. I don't think anyone will take me seriously if I say "weeeee". I mean you don't see those tough skiing-is-life kinda guys say "weeeeeee" as they ski down the Grand Teton. They probably grunt. I need to start doing that.

Oh and I quit my job at the outdoor store today. I think I'll get another one soon. Don't ask questions - just accept that I quit. My mother died and I died and it just doesn't look like I'll be able to make it in.

Bird Crap

I got shat on the other day. I was running along the bike path, minding my own business, and I feel this splat on my head. I wipe my ear and find bird shit on it. Apparently the rest of the poop hit my back and was this long shiny trail down my shirt. Stupid little bird - but apparently it's good luck in Italy if a pigeon shits on you, so maybe it was a good thing....

i quit

I quit Eddie Bauer today. I called and said that my mom died and I died and it just didn't look like I was going to be able to make it in for my first day of work. So that depressing job is out of the picture. Instead I got a job at an outdoor store. Much better.

oh Eddie

So I got a job and it's 1 part depressing and 1 part funny. Ok, well I guess it's 1.5 parts depressing and .5 parts funny actually. It's at Eddie Bauer. I'm going to work at Eddie Bauer because no other place in the whole freakin' town of Jackson wanted to hire me. None of the cool coffee shops, yarn store, book store, restaurants, bike shop - no one. But the preppy Eddie Bauer hired me on the spot. And today when I tried to get out of it by being difficult telling them that I would be gone from Dec. 19-30th, they had no problem with it. Damn.

My only other option was Pizza Hut. I accidentally called them the other week thinking I was calling another restaurant. When they answered "Pizza Hut, how can I help you?", I figured what the hell and asked them if they were hiring anyway. The girl sounded really enthusiastic and I thought she was going to hire me over the phone. She asked me what I was thinking I wanted to do. I told her I saw myself working at the cash register or a server or something. So I left it that I was really excited about the job and I would be over soon to fill out an application so I could be officially hired.

But I am picking up freelance design jobs. So that is 0 parts depressing and all parts exciting.

Emily thinks I'm cute

Got this in a myspace comment
"hey my friend emily saw your pics online and thinks you are cute add her to msn messenger at emily27cute@hotmail.com "

can you tell your friend emily that I don't swing that way, but I'm flattered?
but judging from her email address, emily thinks she's cute too.....

Current

I'm going to be a part of my friend's performance piece tomorrow night. You can watch her announcing peoples' actions around the world as they happen.
Current

Here is a list of what is going to be happening. Yours truly is #4.

11:30pm Liz
Broadcast intro
New General Catalog gallery space, the neighborhood of Greenpoint, Brooklyn, NY

11:35pm Chuck Miller
drops the book S M L XL on the floor in the middle of a graduate lecture class
UC San Diego, CA

11:36pm Trey Kirchoff sets an old children's school desk on fire while
quoting Orson Wells
a rooftop, the neighborhood of Bushwick, Brooklyn, NY

11:37pm Laura Cooke
begins making a ceramics piece
Jackson Hole, Wyoming, by the Tetons

11:38pm Mark Hensel
goes for a drive in which he only makes right-hand turns
Austin, Texas

11:39pm Amanda Matles
teaches an old dog a new trick - to have "laser eyes" - using a camera
with a flash
South Lyon, MI (suburb of Detroit)

11:40pm Bryan Schatz
starts playing the mandolin
Santa Cruz, CA

11:41pm Brian White
draws panda bears on a wall using a light pointer and taking a
long-exposure photograph
Calendar St, Livingston, Montana

11:42pm Landon Van Soest
kills at least 3 mosquitoes with his right hand using a gripping
motion technique
outside of his bed's mosquito netting, Kenya

11:43pm Luke Wolcott
starts making hummus
his kitchen, Seattle, WA

11:44pm Matt McTernan
folds a paper crane via origami
Rhinebeck, NY

11:45pm Charlotte Young
hits her alarm clock and swears at me for waking her up at 4:45 in the morning
the East End, London, UK

11:46pm Adam Lowenbein
does an impression of Britney Spears ordering fried chicken
Pond Eddy, NY

11:47pm John Rosania
genuinely weeps on cue
somewhere in New York City

11:48pm Ben Gazy
starts masturbating with the intention of cumming into a shot glass
and drinking it later on in the broadcast
Seattle, WA

11:49pm Meg Frost
performs Taekwondo forms 1 - 3
Daegu, South Korea

11:50pm Tristan Brown
the last ten pages of Mouse and His Child, by Russell Hoban
221 Buckingham Place, Philadelphia, PA

11:51pm Lacey Peckenpaugh
starts baking
her kitchen, the neighborhood of Williamsburg, Brooklyn, NY

11:52pm Sarah Genta
leaves work for an environmental group to go hug a bush
Sacramento, CA

11:53pm Phil Buccellato
makes a to-do list
our apartment, Brooklyn, NY

11:54pm Oliver Evelyn-Rahr
scratches his foot
London, UK

11:55pm Athena Kokoronis
lights a clove cigarette
New York City

11:56pm Helen Harris
blows up three balloons and then pops them with a sewing needle
Birmingham, AL

11:57pm Lydia Briggs
closes her eyes and pictures New York City
Kyoto, Japan

11:58pm Michael Benevento
is triggered by an alarm to insert a ten hippopotamus count, out loud,
in the middle of a sentence
Baltimore, MD

11:59pm Tika Young
hula hoops
Sunnyside, Queens, NY

12:00am Petter Goldstine
performs the subversive exercises of falun gong
his rooftop, Brussels, Belgium

12:01am Mike Cataldi
pours a bottle of Fiji spring water into the Hudson River from the
center of the George Washington Bridge
New York City, NY

12:02am Bernie McGovern
rests his palm on another's beating chest while thinking of a dear
friend who has recently passed
the hallway leading to his bedroom, Chicago, IL

12:03am Sarah
brushes her teeth
Vienna, Austria

12:04am Justin Quinlan
kisses his 11 month-old nephew on the forehead
Philadelphia, PA

12:05am Margaret Rolicki
buries her work shoes
latitude 39.9541 N, longitude 75.2089 W, Philadelphia, PA

A Mother's Words....

"A little fish in a big pond or a little pond in a big fish"....words of wisdom from my mother

I was called a man....again

I held the door open for a woman to day and she said "Thank you Sir."

shitassmotherfuckerdamn

I went climbing Saturday. Will and I camped near Lake Tahoe in a climbing mecca called Lover's Leap. It was a beautiful fall day with a beautiful granite wall waiting for us to tackle it. Which Will did. I on the other hand did not so much tackle it as struggled up the little fucker, but with high spirits I might add. It actually was very nice crack climbing - I had a couple good hand jams (yes I know the lingo), and there were nice dikes in the rock to get good hand and feet holds. But I would say it all went down hill when a roof in the rock required a move I was not prepared to do - and all the good holds were gone. What the situation ended up being was me, hand jamming for dear life, legs doing the sewing machine - which was really helping the situation, for a good 20 minutes, and saying every swear word known. I fell a good 3 or 4 times only to be pried from the rock, swinging away from the safety of having something to hold on to, dangling in mid-air who knows how many feet above the ground. Will, like a good boyfriend, then hoisted me up a couple feet with the rope, so I could make the necessary move. Once I was safely over the roof, a round of cheers exploded from below, as my audience of expert climbers who had been watching the whole time rejoiced in my having made it. Will sent out a yipee back to them. I did not. I'm glad I couldn't say anything at the moment because if I had been forced to acknowledge them, it would have been the words that had been coming out of my mouth for the last 20 minutes. I don't think they would have appreciated being sworn at. But after a few more moves, including some face gripping, and a couple more "Mother of's..." I was at the top. thankyouverymuch.

Survivor China

What did I learn today? Well, the heart-throb of FLOREZ is on Survivor China. Which is hilarious in itself. But reading the play-by-play of the show, he's using his virginity to gain girls' trust to find out more about the idol. And that's funny.
Go Erik! (unless you've already been voted off, I'm not sure b/c I don't watch the show). But here is his Survivor profile, if anyone is interested in learning about my fellow Furmanite....
Erik

I don't like carrying shit...

and I had to carry it for 3 miles yesterday. I took my new doggie friend on a run yesterday. His name is Okin. He lives around the corner from me. He decided he had to go right when I was turning around to head back. So like a good citizen, I pulled out my plastic bag (prepared for this very situation) and scooped it up. But there wasn't a trash can where I could dispose of said poop until the very end of my run. Gross. And I had to run by a high school PE class that was out for a run.

I went swimming this morning. (I know I didn't expect myself to say that either). Now I have water in my ear.....

Ummmmm... you need to check this out. i think it might be my new favorite tv show even though I haven't seen it yet.
Salt N Peppa

Doesn't it sound amazing....
Whatta Manhunt
Pepa has a long history of dating bad boys, while Salt has a long history of criticizing Pepa for dating bad boys. In this episode of The Salt-N-Pepa Show, Salt teams up with a professional matchmaker to find Pepa the perfect man. After interviewing a number of potential suitors, Salt disregards the matchmaker's choices and finds her own date for Pepa. How will Pepa react when she finds out that her much-anticipated blind date is a youth pastor?

unexpected guests

These men have surrounded my house and are waving big yellow metal sticks over the ground. They woke me up from my 2 hour nap. Not appreciated. It kinda reminded me of when I was living with Christina in Chattanooga and the night painter would come. He was painting the outside of her house, but only under the cloak of darkness. He would shine huge spot lights on the side, prop his ladder up and climb so he could see right over the curtains that covered the bottom half of her floor to ceiling windows. Then he would just say there for 30 minutes, having a full view of Christina's apartment and whatever we were doing. We debated whether to leave the room, or stake our ground and continue doing whatever we were doing before he joined us. Do you acknowledge someone when they do that? Wave from the couch? Try to carry on a conversation with him through sign language? Or just stare at him until he feels so uncomfortable that he gets off his ladder?
He ran us out of the apartment a lot. We would go out to dinner just to get away from the night painter. Or Christina would come home from work late just to find me in a bad mood stuck in the kitchen because he was in the living room.
His finished work was not the best quality, as you can expect from someone who just paints in the dark.

I have to see a man about a horse...

I did. I was over in Victor in my old neighborhood. I was driving down the road and this horse is just walking along the side. So my old landlord (who was in the car in front of me) and I pulled over and came up with a game plan. She was going to try to catch the horse, while I went and tried to find whose horse it was. Although we were both unsuccessful in our mission. She didn't catch it and I never found out whose horse it was. But there was another woman on the case too. So we decided that we could probably leave and the situation would be under control.

It's God...

conducting the mountains.















I went climbing yesterday. It was a beautiful fall day. The aspens where, as Will put it, "on fire" or maybe he just said they were "glowing". Actually I'm not sure how he put it, but the gist of it is the "aspens are pretty."








Here is a picture of buffalo and the moody mountains.








I secretly cooked today. I'm having Sue (a cook) and Christian over for dinner tonight. Kinda intimidating. I didn't want them to see me cooking, so I did everything before hand. hehehe.

ummm...

SNOW!!!!! There's snow on the mountains...

That's not my stuff in that room...

I just moved to Jackson. Into a house of 2 Exum Mountain Guides. I rented the place for October, November, and December, but the couple left for a 2 month road trip and said I could move in once they were gone - which is today. Although after having moved all my stuff in, I have this feeling that they will show up and actually haven't left and think it's weird that I've already moved in. Like they just ran to the grocery store for something and I moved in while they were gone. So I keep looking out the window - although I have no idea what good that is going to do. It's not like I can pull all my stuff out of the drawers and sneak out the back. I guess I could just hide in the closet and wait until they are asleep and then sneak out. Or behind a curtain. Hopefully it won't come to that.

Sushi, spiders, and bears

I spent the better part of the day trying to reach my little toe. It has a splinter in it that is very intriguing. But I couldn't. It's a sign that I should do yoga. Or at least start stretching...

My apartment and the lack of cell reception is very annoying. It drops calls all the time in middle of conversations or just makes it so the other person can't hear me. So I find myself yelling parts of the conversation over and over again with the person confused. "Sushi." "What?" "SUSHI" "What?" "SUUUUSSHI" "Peas?" and the conversation continues like this until the phone cuts us off. Or the phone will just cut out with no warning. Then I call back and the person will still be talking to me on the other line, apparently tell me to hold on, and then beep over to me on the other line. This really confuses them and it's kinda funny.

A really cute spider has just started building his web, attaching my arm to the table. I don't think that it will be a very effective web seeing as how I'm not going to sit here all day. But to help him out I feel that I should.

and now the complete Bears Don't Care poem. One of my masterpieces...
Bears Don't Care

Bears don't care if they meet a hare,
Bears don't care if their meat is rare.

Bears don't care if there is a fair,
Bears don't care if we are out of air.

Bears don't care if there is a new king,
Bears don't care about anything.

Bears don't care...

This could be the prettiest day ever. It's fall, all the trees are a bright yellow. The sun is shining and the wind is blowing. I love it. I went on a run this morning to see my cows. As I was running down the road a car pulled up next to me and the man informed me that there was a bear down the road. I thanked him and abruptly turned around. So I actually had to vary my running route. But on this route I saved a snake - got him out of the middle of the road, and saw a Great-horned owl sleeping in a tree. He was beautiful. So beautiful I had to turn off Dr. Dre and just enjoy the sleeping owl.

Oh and I got to hold a baby and play with the cutest two year old. - not on the run. That was before the run.

I also left a successful message, which rarely happens. Also not on the run. After the run.

I did laundry today and when I was hanging it on the line, it disturbed me. All my clothes are the same. I hung a navy blue tank top, navy blue short sleeved shirt, navy blue long sleeved shirt, a black long sleeved shirt, a black tank top, gray shirt.... it's sad. I think I need to vary my wardrobe.

Why would you wipe my spittle away?

I can't spit. I've tried - lots. It's gross. I just end up having to stop running and stand on the side of the road with a long string of spit connecting my mouth to the ground. And it just stays there - not moving. So I have to manually disconnect it to get rid of it. This takes the whole satisfaction of spitting out of the equation. Any tips?

I'm moving to Jackson soon.

is that a photograph? oh, no it's a painting...

This photograph appeared in the New York Times today. I couldn't help but to notice the likeness of the portrait behind this man. Incredible.

new favorite music - Beth Orton
the elk are on the move in the park.

Aperture website

Aperture



Yeah, some times I get stopped on the street because people recognize me. Usually they just want my autograph









The Alex Webb talk was boring. I think I was thinking, "bend your knees so you don't pass out" the whole time he was talking.

Have you seen my dicky?

Just thought I would share this incredible find with everyone. http://www.dakotamainstreet.com/dickiepage.html
"No matter how you spell it, dickeys are practical and comfortable in the summer and winter. They keep a cold draft from blowing down your neck, and they keep that itchy sweater away from your face. If you suddenly find yourself too warm, they are easy to remove. Use them to accent your skin tones.

Almost everyone looks good in a black turtleneck."

Dicky Testimonials:
Hi Rick, I ordered from you in 2004 and I have gotten a lot of use from my dickeys. I would like to order a few more in some different colors... Thanks, Carmen

Hi, Rick, Got them yesterday - SUPER - thanks much man - You are a life saver - I wore one today - what a difference -
My neck thanks you too - thanks again - Constantine (in Moldova)

I received the Dickies yesterday. I LOVE them. They are exactly what I want in a dickey. I have a thick neck and the 15 in. is great without feeling like an ace bandage. Plus they are very soft and not scratchy. So I now want to order more. Joni.

Thank you officer....

The cop who stopped me tonight said I must be a pretty good driver because I have no previous record. I almost asked him if that meant the the speeding ticket I got last year was off the record then. But quickly decided that that was not the best idea. So I agreed with him. I have a burnt out headlight. I agree with him on that matter too. Don't worry, Mr. Nice Cop told me where to get a headlight to replace it.

Not going to Chile. And that's the word (as my good friend Steven Colbert would say). Did I tell you I made eye contact with Steven Colbert when I went to a taping of his show, because I did. I also made eye contact with Tim Gunn. And I would have made eye contact with Bill Murray if he didn't have a 15 foot fence around his property. That way I could have thrown a dog over and then have to go chase it around his yard. I think this would have resulted in eye contact with Bill. I also made eye contact with the actor who plays Meg Ryan's brother in the movie Kate and Leopold. Oh and George Hincapi and Lance Armstrong.

Sherpa anyone?

I had my first portering job today. Portering is Sherpa-esque in the fact that you hike up a mountain and carry other people's stuff for them. Christian asked me if I would do it for his clients camped up at the base of Mount Owen. And me, being the expert on that mountain in particular, agreed.

Which meant...getting up at 3 in the morning, driving and hour to the park to start hiking at 4:45 - alone, in the dark, alone, dark...alone. Mind you this was also the very trail that Daisy, Sarah and I encountered a bear a couple days back. So I set on my jolly way freezing cold, guided by the moon because it was so bright. I would walk a ways, then stop to see if I heard any movement in the bushes. Then keep on going, then stop. But it was actually one of the coolest things I've done. I've never heard silence so (I'm going to use the adjective silent here - I think it only appropriate) silent. And I got to watch the sun rise. And all the birds wake up. So I stayed on the trail for 5 miles, then veered off the trail into a boulder field. This is where it became tricky.

I tried to take the path of least resistance. That is, the path were I wouldn't get stuck in between two boulders or get stuck on top of a boulder with no where to go but to jump off, or step on the little boudlers and go sliding down hill. Unfortunately the path of least resistance was sort of down hill. So I proceeded down until I looked up, and realized what I had done. And with Tom Petty's "Oh my my, oh hell yes" song in my head (don't ask me why this song came to me this morning. I haven't listened to it in years, years I tell you) I had to remind myself to go up. I did the by saying out loud. Go up. And when I came to a cross roads of which way to go in the field, I said "up", and up I went. So I picked my way through the boulder field until I reached camp and the 3 merry men eating their breakfast.

We packed up camp, I put most of their stuff in my pack, and we headed back down the boulder field. It was much easier this way because Christian was picking the path, all I had to do was follow. So now I know exactly how the Sherpas feel when carrying people stuff up Mount Everst. I know all the emtions they go through, their physical exursion, and their devotion to the job. I know what it's like....

cupa joe...

I spent this morning on a coffee kick. After three cups of coffee I was totally worthless. I kept on bumping into things, not being able to hold anything still, dropping things. I tried to eat a lot to soak up some of the coffee in my body. It didn't help. So then I went to go do ceramics. Not the best decision, but I think the coffee was affecting my decision making abilities.

I had to glaze all the pots that I made. This was a process. With over 60 combinations of glazes to choose from, the scene played out as such - crazy shaky girl, splashing glazes all over the floor, murmuring to herself and standing and staring at one spot on the floor while trying to remember the exact combination of glazes that she just did to recreate it again with another bowl.

I'm in the library now on the home stretch of grant writing - I hope. I just tried to hold in a sneeze. It ended up making a really weird loud noise that didn't sound like a sneeze at all. I think I scared the girl next to me.

This last week...

Over the past week I've learned...

buffalos burp.





Baby bears are scarier than grown bears when you don't see the mother around. It's a bear, I promise...






Nothing can replace good friends - not even the latest issue of US Weekly. I've already gotten it, and it's not helping.


Remember who your audience is, especially when you're telling your friend that you "just want to burp" her while patting her back. This scene didn't go over well in front of people we didn't really know. They thought it was weird - I don't know why.

It's hard to name all 50 states.

It's hard to remember if there are 50 or 52 states.

It's possible to remember every line in Waiting for Guffman and work them in to everyday conversation. But refer back to the lesson of "remember who your audience is"... This one could be tricky.

My feet are fascinating. Especially because everyday they shed more and more layers. Disgusting, but fascinating. Daisy described me as "over there like a true debutant picking at her feet".

Counter Balance - We don't know what it is, but we have it

Sarah G and I went backpacking in the Tetons the other day. We went to a glacier lake right under the Grand. Right when we arrived at our little lake it started raining, but with the sun out. So we stood under a tree and waited for it to stop. Then we set up camp. It took 45 minutes to hang the bear bag. It was a lot of granny throws, rocks being flung in all directions, rocks flying out of the rope that we tied around them, rope getting tangled - but perserverance pays off and we finally hung the perfect bear bag - with counter balance. Then we sat down for a nice dinner for burnt pita pizzas.


I almost hit a moose the other day that ran into the road right in front of me.

I told a hot guy that I didn't need to eat any more fiberous food because I was regular.

Sarah and I have figured out the perfect way to find our way around Jackson. Go into a hotel and ask for directions. They automatically pull out a map and highlighter and highlight the path for you. It's wonderful. Now we have a collection of maps with little paths layed out for us.

Mini golf pros...

I was a participant in the first and last annual Jackson Hole minigolf tournament. My team, the only all girls team, dominated. Well, that is to say our score card was pretty stellar. And our style points were not to be rivaled. Do-overs were abundant. Obstacles on the course were easily avoided. Strategic standing (for blocking purposes) was in high demand. Random cheers so we were to give the illusion of a great play, happened often. And hot pink lipstick was applied by all.

If anyone has an opinion on whether or not I should move to Chile for 6 months, I would love to hear it. This topic is up for debate from August 11th to the 14th. I will take your points into consideration, but make no promises on the final decision.

Also, if you are an adult (that is, not a teenager - funny how adult is defined), and are interested in going to Chile yourself for 2 weeks to do service projects in Torres del Paine National Park, let me know. Apparently I'm in charge of putting a trip together. The trip would happen sometime in April.

Do America? Stop saying that Mr. Knopfler...

Likes and dislikes...
I strongly dislike Mark Knopfler right now, especially his song "Do America" which my computer seems to favor. But I do like Amy Winehouse's "Rehab" song, which I just bought off itunes. And of course Justin's "Bringing Sexy Back".
Photoshop. Why is it so expensive and why can't I get it for free?
My Chacos. They are making my feet smell really bad. I mean REALLY bad. I can smell them just sitting down. But I do like the smell of Tide, which is on the table right next to me.
I do like Dennis Haskin's new billboard campaign for veggie's in Tennessee. "Ocra rings my bell" I believe he is saying while holding ocra. And I do like the fact that Dennis Haskin's yelled at me when I was leaving his talk that I had to photograph for Furman a year ago. I got all the pictures I needed so I left the front row with my huge camera and he didn't like it. So he stopped his talk and yelled at me for leaving. So everying Mr. Belding is a like.

I found a friend yesterday. Literally, I found him. I lost him three years ago when I left Yosemite, but I found him in Jackson yesterday. In the ceramics studio. That's right my friends, last night I had dinner with 3 other people my own age.

not a girl, not yet a woman...but definitely not a man

Well it happened again. I was confused for a man. I walked over to Christian and Sue's to say hello and they were outside talking to one of their friends who had just dropped Mariela off. The man looks and me then looks at Christian and says, "Is this a daughter or a son?" To that, I just raised my eyebrows and didn't say anything. I don't think Christian heard the "or a son" part and answered that I was a cousin. Sue heard and rolled her eyes and mumbled something under her breath. Stupid man. He had to deal with me throwing daggers with my eyes for the rest of the conversation.

I went on a bike ride yesterday. My chain fell off my bike in the middle of no where. So I had to sit there and fix it as all these cars zoomed by. And right when I broke down a little rain cloud came and rained on me. Then when I got it fixed, the rain went away. I think it was a representative metaphor for my mood. When I finally got going again dogs started chasing me - uphill. Then once I shook the dogs a huge wind storm came that was blowing all my facial features to the side and trying to push my bike into traffic. Interesting ride. I think I'll go on another one today.

That mountain ain't got nothin' on me...

Today I bounded up the Snow King Mountain. This was a hike that I did two weeks ago. On that hike by the 134th switchback I was drenched in sweat, bent over with my hands on my knees, and used the expression "Holy shit". This time I was feeling good. I even passed a mountain biker while he was struggling to keep his uphill momentum going. The only thing that put a damper on my hike was a little kid coming down the trail asked me if I had been running. "Why do you ask, you little twerp? No, I just sweat like a man in all situations, thank you very much." But after that unfortunate encounter, it was smooth sailing. Well, until I had to pull the dollar (to ride the gondola down) out of my sports bra and it was soaking wet. I had to wait a minute and let it flap in the wind before I felt comfortable giving it to the attendant.

I researched grants today for the non-profit I now find myself in charge of. It's hard because in the grant database these grants are so specific, and they all sound like worthy causes. So by the end of my search, I had changed the mission of the Global Community Project (youth leadership, environmental, international exchange) to a woman's studies, disabilities, health care, AIDS research, homeless, Jewish, economically disadvantaged program. I think I can really make an impact with the new mission of the Global Community Project.

My left arm is numb. Is that weird?

interaction

I have made a big transition. I have gone from a city of 8 million people to a town of about 800. I have gone from having Bill Murray as a neighbor, to having horses and cows as neighbors. From seeing hundreds of people a day, to just a couple a day - if I'm lucky. I have to be careful of this one. If it gets to be late in the day and I haven't had any social interaction, I have to go to the grocery store, stand in front of the peaches and try to have a conversation. "Ummm... gotta love those Washington peaches, eh?" If that doesn't work, I have to buy a peach so I can have a conversation with the cashier. "Yep, just one peach please. Gotta love those Washington peaches, eh?"

My social interaction yesterday was yoga class. It was taught by Janet, who sounded like Martha Stewart. Which is actually quite nice for a yoga teacher to sound like. If this job Martha has ever falls through, she could always market a yoga tape. I think I did really well because of my yoga pants. It made it look like I knew what I was doing. Well, until the end when we were having our nap time. Everyone was sitting up, while I was still in my fetal position.

random thoughts today...

Never buy a stack of cheese without the paper separators again.
Who was the main singer in the backstreet boys?
Zack Braff is just doing what every other single male in new york is. He's not a player or a man whore.
Where the hell is my computer? - Oh Salt Lake City. Only 5 hours away. Come on USP delivery man. I'll be sitting on the front porch waiting for it tomorrow.
What sandwich did Elvis like? BLT? No it had something to do with peanut butter. Peanut butter and banana? Did he die from that? No, that was Mama Cass. He died on the crapper.

and the quote of the day.
"I'm taking the intern to clean the toilet.... Consider yourself on latrine duty."
And believe you me, it was disgusting. He took the hose sprayed everything down. Took an old broom, cleaned the INSIDE of the latrine first scraped all the crap off the side, then cleaned the toilet seat. He was flinging that thing all around. From now on, you will find me using the bathroom outside of the latrine.

Volume 29 Issue 183

I have taken to reading the Jackson Hole Daily. Only volume 29 issue 183. I haven't remembered to pick the new one up when I am in town. But because of that I have become very well versed in this issue 183. Need a job? I know where you can find one. If you speak perfect English I can tell you who to call for light house keeping duties. I know, I know. I got excited too at first. I had my finger on the button to call. But it's light housekeeping duties, not lighthouse keeping duties. Darn it. I know, I thought it was crazy that Idaho had a lighthouse too, but I wasn't going to argue.

I also think I'm going to go to the Hoback firefighters picnic. This guy last year saw a girl there that he hopes is there again (and it was a year ago, so I'm sure he doesn't even remember what she looks like.) He says in the "personals" section, "sure there were lots of other beautiful women with sticky fingers and rib sauce smiles. But, during the auction you seemed to shine surrounded by voluptuous desserts. Maybe I'll see you again this year Aug. 18th. I'm going to buy a raffle ticket....I hope I'll get lucky." I can smear bbq sauce on my face and act voluptuous around desserts. Oh wait, well I can shine around voluptuous desserts too. I can do both at the same time.

And I might even be able to earn $800 a day on my own candy route! Who knew that Jackson had so many opportunities?

Holy cow

I herded cows today. Not intentionally. I was on a run. I looked down the road and this cow was staring back at me half in and half out of the barbed wire fence. Then with one more pull, she freed herself from the fence and stood on the road. 20 cows came pouring out after her. They were all freaked out running all over the place. By this time I was in the middle of the frantic herd. They kept on running and falling all over the place. 6 cows got in front of me and I ran with them a while down the road. Then I figured I probably shouldn't separate these cows from the others. So I started running in the other direction, but I just freaked the other cows out, who busted through the fence on the other side of the road. Phew.

I went to the fair yesterday with Mariela and Christian. Mariela told me we didn't see any of my friends there because I didn't have any. Perceptive little 5 year old.

"big girl" decision

I miss...











Brigid told me today that I had to make a "big girl" decision. So I did. I'm not living with her. And I hope when she lifts the box, she doesn't lift with her knees. No, that's mean. One should always lift with the knees when moving heavy objects.
So I think I have successfully made enemy #1 in Victor.
But I get an apartment all to myself.

the life of a 5 year old

It's 9:15. 45 minutes 'til bedtime and I can't wait. Yesterday people were in my room, which also functions as the living room, at 10:30 and I got mad. Well, not mad, but annoyed that they didn't respect my bedtime. I even contemplated getting in my jammies and lying down on the futon that is spread out in the middle of the floor. But then I figured that it would be weird. So I just became mute and stared at my bed.

Mariela, my cousin -she's 5, calls me Jessica because she can't remember my name. Christian calls me Christina because he met my sister before me. Sue calls me Jessica because she thinks it's funny.

My friend Whitney (she's 4) asked me the other day what I was going to be for Halloween. I started to think really hard about it. I totally zoned out of our conversation and was trying to think of a really good ironic costume that I can never seem to create at Halloween. Then I realized that she was waiting for an answer. So I said vampire. She said that she was going to be a witch.

I wonder how long it is going to take Brigid to move the box out of the room in her house so I can move in? So far it's two weeks and counting. Do you think she's trying to make a statement. No, it's probably just a really awkward box to carry.

I spent a lot of the day peeling the sunburn off my arms. It's really entertaining - kinda addicting. I can't stop.

15 more minutes until bed. I have to go get ready...